To Be Thankful

Thanksgiving is a time for escape. A kind holiday with little ceremony and expectation. A time to relax, spend time with family and friends, eat way too much fattening food and enjoy football. So as I sit in my cozy home, I reflect on a few things in 2010 for which to be thankful.

Several weeks ago, my new smart phone encountered a small hiccup and all work emails were lost. For a brief moment, I panicked. What the hell was I going to do without 24/7 connection to perceived chaos? Then I remembered, I manage my life…life doesn’t manage me. I remembered one core learning from a year of unemployment: There is no need for work emails while away from work.

The reinvention of Date Night with my husband Jon has turned me into a teenager again. Holding hands on a long walk, dining at great restaurant without having to pay and colorful conversation with my true love makes me giggle. So do the Appletinis, because date night always comes with a designated driver.

A black-nosed, pooping in the house, underwear eating pug puppy has brought calm to a stressed hubby, compassion to a teenager and responsibility to a young boy.

Healing: physical, spiritual and emotional.

2010 began with a new job after twelve month journey of unemployment. Entering the workforce again, I had no expectations, no desire to climb the corporate ladder and a mission to maintain balance in life. What I hadn’t realized when I walked through the door was a refreshing group of real people and work that I love. Yes it sounds corny…but I have a job that pays me, yet I’d do it for free. And a two mile commute.

Just two days ago we met with Amanda, our son’s fifth grade teacher. He is fortunate to have her for the second consecutive year. What’s amazing about Amanda is not only that she is a fantastic educator, but she also has a rare talent of uncovering the unique gifts within her students. I couldn’t help but sniffle when she proudly showed me a short story that Eli had written. “He has a voice. This is something you can’t teach.”

A husband that takes care of me.

The look on my fourteen year old son's face when he made the freshman basketball team and then the look of disappointment when his best friend had not. It was clear, I’d raised a good person not a ball player.

Discarding the Glucogon kit. Expired and unused.

So as I stuff myself with turkey and pie today, it’s easy to think of the big things in life to be thankful. But it’s remembering the small things that really matter.

Vision of yesterday

Could it be a dream? A chance to relive your past. A time where all things are not real. A heart break relived from so long ago. Yet, haunts you today. Why must the past feel so real? So present. Is it because of all of things you wished for that didn’t come true? But, the present seems so unreal. Not quite here and now. Is it possible to step back and relive what was never meant to be?

No.

White snow cold heart.

The glow of new white snow glistened when I looked out of my bedroom window this morning. A bit shocking in fact as my world’s landscape changed overnight. Not yet ready for winter, the beauty was breathtaking so the grief of the long warm fall wasn't so awful. Each year, the cold weather tears me apart like a bad break-up. Winter is not my friend. It takes time to adjust.

The freshness of the air burned my lungs as I breathed in the cold air while taking Bosco outside to experience the chilly, wet snow for the first time. He leaped into the air catching soft white flakes on his pink tongue as if they were doggie treats falling from the sky. The site of a puppy experiencing a winter wonderland for the first time made me giggle. It didn’t take him long to realize that the white stuff was cold and place he didn’t want to endure for long. Within minutes he was scratching at the door to come inside. Reluctantly, I let him in knowing that he will leave his morning gifts somewhere inside the house.

There is something about the first snow that changes people. For some, it’s a chance to get into the Christmas spirit. For others, it’s a chance to take on the Minnesota roads for the first time. For me, the new snow wiped away the painful week I’d experienced. A snowy Saturday morning allowed me to curl up with coffee and a blanket. My mind was still paralyzed by the draining week that included a very sick child, a demanding work week and evening commitments. The snow provided a fog that numbed my reality at the perfect time.

It looks like the snow is here to stay and winter is upon us. It could be so easy for me to slip into an unhealthy mental state. Yet, my imagination will allow me to mentally escape the cold that burdens my soul each year. Let the writing begin.