Bulldozing is for Bullies

One of my goals while unemployed last year was to stop and notice my surroundings. It took awhile, about four months to be exact, but I succeeded eventually. I’ve spent most of my adulthood bulldozing my way through life. Although I now see it as a toxic existence, once it was all I knew. Driven to the core…in everything I did. As a bulldozer, I’d plow through the terrain not noticing anything ahead except to the path I was about to destroy.

I started noticing my surroundings with the change of seasons, while on my daily running ritual that started when the snow began to melt. Bulldozing my way through the route each day was how it began. The routine was set for a mission of getting back to the hot body that I had in my twenties. But a strange thing happened when spring came, so did the buds on the trees, the green grass, delicate chirps of the birds singing in the morning. How couldn’t I’ve noticed these subtle changes in my life before? It was so beautiful. The sounds, the smell of the flowers, the rustling of the squirrels in the leaves.

The awakening of my surroundings continued through summer, fall and winter. I’d completed four changes of seasons before returning to work. Each with its own beauty and uniqueness. Now that I’m back to being a working girl, I’ve vowed to continue my quest to notice the beauty of simplicity. My husband catches me slipping now and again, “Honey, you’re dozing again,” he reminds me. And not because I’m sneaking in a nap!

I have to admit that I’m still a bulldozer. What can you expect? It takes a lot of effort to change completely. But now, I’m not dozing for power, prestige and money. I’m bulldozing to be a better wife, mother and person. My drive is now focused on a vision of doing the right thing.

Novel coming to end.....

It’s strange. The notion of finishing my novel is crazy to me. Partly because the characters in my head are so real and vivid. It seems like finishing the novel is like killing off a part of me. This is a concept that most people don’t understand. Although I lead a completely normal life, my imagination can get the best of me. Thank goodness I have my writing. An outlet to let the characters in my head come to life.

Good news is that due to some great counseling of friends and my writer’s club, I have a sequel ready to be written. Thanks to all of you who have read my work and provided feedback. For many of you, it’s been painful; hard to decipher the difference between fact and fiction. Please know that my writing is fiction. Loosely based on my life’s experiences, but completely a work of my imagination.

Once my novel comes to a finale, hopefully in the month or two, I’ll begin the painstaking process of getting published. My goal is to fund my boys’ college education. I’ll count on you and your friends to make this a reality.

Sincerley,
Hotel Snob (BTW…the name of my sequel.)

A Mother's Thought

A beam of light entered the room this afternoon. A fourteen year old with a dream fulfilled. A quiet young man glowed from inside out.

My heart beamed joy back to him. Hard work took its course.

Its an amazing gift from God; to love our children unconditionally more and more each day.

Could the young man possibly know just how much I love him; ambition or not? A feeling that words cannot describe.